I spent a few hours tonight reading Augustine's Enchiridion on Faith, Hope, and Love for a paper that's due on Wednesday. I should know by now that God sneaks up in unexpected places like my homework, but it still hits me pretty hard sometimes.

There's this section where he writes about praying the Lord's prayer, and how all the faithful need to do is ask God for forgiveness and He grants it to us...provided that we also forgive those who sin against us.

As I was reading, I realized the beauty of forgivness...God's forgiveness to us, and also our forgiveness to others, and how that's such an act of love.

It also opened my eyes to a couple situations that I realized I never quite let go of, and people I need to forgive. I've cared about myself and my feelings so much that I've gotten defensive and haven't been able to move on from some situations where I've been hurt, even though they seem small looking back on them now. It's time to stop being stuck there.

Father, please forgive our sins, as we also forgive those who sin against us.

Thank you so much, Father. You're so good to us.

Pensive: Characterized by deep or melancholy thoughts

I stopped by my prof's office on Thursday to grade some papers, and we were visiting for a couple minutes beforehand. We were talking about a book I had read, and he stopped and said, "You seem pensive today...what's up?"

I mentioned some things that were on my mind, and we talked about them and moved on to other things (after I asked him to define 'pensive' for me!). But I've been thinking about it still...and I realize that sometimes I just get this way. Sometimes it's brought about by legitimate things going on, and sometimes it happens when circumstances are great.

I don't know why I get that way, but every so often, I find myself being quiet for no reason. Sometimes I just get pensive. I used to get frustrated with myself because I can never really help it, but I'm learning now just to go with it because it's part of who I am.

Still, I can't help but wonder why I get this way...

You've got to see it...

http://www.bluelikejazz.com/movie.htm

Wow...

Seven years ago yesteday...

my dad adopted us.

I know a few of you know the story. Maybe some of you don't.

After a long and painful divorce and a few years of struggle with my biological father, he gave up his parental rights. All the things leading up to it were really hard. But right away, my then step-dad (who I'm proud to call my dad) sacrificed so much, and adopted me, my sister, and my bother. I was given a new dad, a new name, and a picture of Christ more real than anything I had ever seen before. (He's also the one who helped me understand what it meant to have a relationship with Christ.)

I love my dad so much and I hope I can be as generous and supportive to my kids as he is to me.

No wonder Jim Elliot cried...

We've been reading through the Gospel of John in our Greek class this semester, and tonight as I was preparing for class, I read chapter 19, about the trial and crucifixion of Jesus. I've read this story countless times, but it was different tonight.

As I was struggling through some of the vocabulary and just going through the chapter word by word, I was caught in the story. I wasn't able to read through it quickly and be on my way. It was as if I were reading it for the first time. And in my drawn-out reading of it, I got a tiny taste of how drawn-out that night must have been for Jesus...and for those who loved him. It was like this constant chain of events...I'm sure there was waiting in between, but it was just one thing after another. They took Jesus before Annas, then they took him before Pilate, then the crowd shouted, "Crucify!". They "gave him slaps" and they scourged him, and they took his clothes, and they insulted him, and they crucified him.

I'm writing about it now because I needed to walk away for a minute...it all comes so heavily.

I read somewhere that when Jim Elliot read the account of Jesus' crucifixion for a class like mine, he wept. I can see why now.

It makes chapter 20 that much more amazing and beautiful, too. If the story ended at John 19, I don't know what I'd do. And in light of a death like that...to see Life overcome it overwhelms me.